5 ways to lead a life that is fun, fascinating and perfectly imperfect.

What is perfectionism?

Well, Webster’s dictionary describes perfectionism as “a disposition to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable”.

But in real life we’d describe it as that strange need we have to have standards that force us to do more, show more, and achieve more in an unrealistic attempt to feel satisfied or to be seen and appreciated by other people.

Sounds like overwhelm right?

But why are we like this?

We all fall victim to the perfectionism trap at various points in our life.

We love sharing memes on our WhatsApp status and Facebook stories about not caring about what others think. But deep down we all want to appear to be perfect parents, coworkers and friends.

We buy stuff, go places and do things to keep up appearances.

The thing is, keeping up appearances is the kryptonite for Authenticity. If we really want to enjoy genuine connections and experiences, we have to be willing to set aside the illusion of perfectionism.

Have you ever thrown a party and got so wound up in ensuring all the details were just perfect that you forgot to enjoy yourself?

Or ordered a tasty meal with friends but are so caught up capturing the perfect shot that your fries get cold. Side note Sis, no post is worth cold fries ok.

How to get off the perfectionism wheel?

One of my favourite Grenadian artists Wuss ways has a line that goes “do it right or do it over” that I use all the time. I have to be honest, excellence is a personal value, so this is in no way saying to just have a slapdash life.

I am saying, however, that we should all have space and grace for ourselves. Do your best, but don’t get caught stressing out and getting overwhelmed to create a ‘perfect’ anything. Especially if we are interested in creating a fascinating life.

Here are five things you need to know about perfectionism.

1. Know that perfectionism isn’t real

The first great realization you should have about perfectionism is that it simply doesn’t exist.

And if it did, it really doesn’t matter.

Life is both messy and wonderful. You will have setbacks, you will have failures, you will make mistakes. Every disappointment is meant to help you to move forward.

The funny thing is, as babies we had this pretty much all figured out. We learned to walk, talk, brush our teeth and control our bowels through trial and error.

Several times we got it wrong, but we never let that stop us. We eventually got it right enough to do all of those things with ease and minimal effort.

There’s a good chance you may have had a series of “oopsies” as an adult. Being a good parent, a spouse a friend or a good employee is not easy.

As you navigate this fascinating life, remember to give yourself permission to make mistakes and give yourself the grace to move on from them without the weight of shame for yourself or blame for others.

2. It shows up when you do not understand your value.

Perfectionism is deeply rooted in shame.

Shame always shows up whenever there is ambiguity. If you are unsure about who you are and what your true purpose is you will always be hustling for attention. So you will be running around doing more and making impossible attempts to satisfy that need for approval

An easy fix for perfectionism, therefore, is to know and understand your value. Know your strengths and don’t be afraid to flex them.

If you’re great at spreadsheets go all out at it. If you’re a speaker and a storyteller. Tell your stories.

When you are in your zone of genius, you are untouchable.

I get deeper into this in the BAE workshop. A course that helps women learn how to establish boundaries, show up authentically and feel empowered. Join the waitlist for this course here.

3. Perfection keeps you hostage – checking the side lanes.

Comparison is the thief of joy and I’m quite convinced it also steals common sense.

I’ve seen people act in the poorest ways just because they were comparing themselves to others.

We run ourselves into debt, disregarding the feelings of our family and friends just to compete and keep up appearances of being perfect.

We would tear others down, deliberately make other people look bad and essentially self-sabotage so that we could “win”.

Learning to love and accept yourself and others is a great way to recover from perfectionism.

We all have unique gifts to bring to this world, focus on finding yours and get better at it.

Stop worrying about what others are doing, we do not have to be perfect when we are walking in our purpose.

Listen to this episode with lifestyle blogger JeSuis Laureen as she describes how she uses self-love as a superpower.

4. Perfectionism strains your relationships 

The sad truth is that critics often reserve the worst criticism for themselves. Being a perfectionist is often a mask for deeper feelings of unworthiness and insecurity.

Unless we take the time to heal, the need to be perfect and criticize people who we think are not will keep us from making and maintaining vulnerable and trusting relationships and connections.

5. Perfectionism cannot stand a chance against Self care

As always, self-care is one of my tips for overcoming this and any issue. Self-care can help us to overcome the overwhelm of perfectionism in two ways

1. Self-awareness – activities like journaling and meditation forces us to sit still and get to know ourselves, as we do, we find that loving ourself is easier when we are willing to forgive yourself and others. Ultimalty, we are all walking each other home to heaven, recognition of that releases the need to be perfect.
2. Shifting focus – Self-care involves activities like exercise and as you shift from keeping everything perfect to the curiosity about learning new things you realise that perfect is an illusion and does not support your desire to have a fascinating life.

I hope you find these tips helpful. Leave a comment with the one you resonate most with. Also, are you a recovered perfectionist? What steps did you take to bring you to overcome it?

Thank you so much for being part of the #fiveyearstoforty tribe. Be sure to catch the podcast and Instagram here https://youtu.be/lNgrxzYA9Ug

Have an amazing week. Keep doing the most.