We’ve all encountered the insidious presence of self-doubt at some point in our lives.

As you’re about to leave the house feeling confident in a stunning dress, self-doubt may tell you, “You should have worn Spanx. Your belly bulge is showing.” Similarly, when considering an investment to grow your business, self-doubt may whisper, “You can’t afford this, and nobody will buy from you. You’ll go broke.”

It sneaks into our minds when we should be presenting ourselves as our most confident selves and mutes our brilliant opinions and contributions. It causes us to doubt our dreams when we know we would excel at them. It makes us feel inadequate in situations where we know we are more than qualified to succeed.

At its core, self-doubt stems from uncertainty about our true selves. It may manifest in us feeling insecure about our thoughts, beliefs, emotions, opinions, decisions, appearance, accent, education,  marital status, etc

Self-doubt also cause us to seek  validation for decisions because we don’t trust ourselves.  It can even look like self-sabotaging ourselves by going back and forth.

It also affects our relationships with others. Being authentic becomes challenging in the presence of self-doubt because we constantly feel the need to adjust our behavior for the benefit of others.

The good news is that self-doubt is not a permanent condition. We can overcome it with some strategies and practices that can help us cultivate self-worth, build on our strengths, and use positive self-talk. Here are three ways to overcome self-doubt forever in your 30s.

1. Identify the causes of your self-doubt

The truth is we can’t fix what we can’t figure out.  

Identifying the causes of self-doubt helps us to understand why we feel uncertain about ourselves and what triggers our doubts. 

Self-reflection is the trick for getting clarity on self-doubt.  I’ve found journaling really helpful, you can use my joy journal for this.

Here are some prompts that can help you get started

– When do I feel most doubtful about myself?

– What are the thoughts that go through my mind when I doubt myself?

– What are the emotions that I feel when I doubt myself?

– What are the behaviors that I engage in when I doubt myself?

– What are the consequences of doubting myself?

– Where did I learn to doubt myself?

– Who or what influenced my self-doubt?

Another habit that helps is talking to a therapist or mental health care provider, an external perspective can shine a light on what might be causing the self-doubt.

By identifying the causes of your self-doubt, you can start to challenge them and replace them with more empowering beliefs.

2. Focus on your strengths and achievements

Self-doubt can make us focus on our weaknesses and failures, which can lower our confidence and self-esteem. To counter this, we need to focus on the things we want more of, like our strengths and achievements.

One way to do this is to create a list of your strengths and achievements. You can include anything that you are good at, proud of, or passionate about. For example:

– I am good a great mom, friend, dancer, baker etc

– I thrive, all the hard times of my 20s and 30s have made me so damn resilient.

– I am proud of my creativity, I’m always figuring things out

– I am passionate about helping others, I know service to others is service to God.

You can also include any positive feedback or compliments that you have received from others, such as:

– My boss praised me for my presentation

– My friend thanked me for being supportive

– My spouse said I look beautiful today

Friend, you are valuable and full of potential, sometimes the person that needs to be reminded of this the most is you.

Review your strengths and achievements list regularly, especially when you find yourself doubting your abilities.  Also, don’t be afraid to add new skills as you discover them, this list is something that is constantly evolving, and so are you.

3. Practice positive self-talk

Sometimes we talk to ourselves in our heads in ways we would never speak to someone we loved and care about.  

Self-doubt can make us scare ourselves with failed scenarios and judge ourselves in negative and harsh ways, such as:

– I am not good enough

– I can’t do this

– I will fail

Left unattended, these negative thoughts can become self-fulfilling prophecies, meaning that they can influence our actions and outcomes. 

To overcome this, we need to start thinking in affirmations.  Which is a fancy way of saying to practice the habit of positive self-talk.  

Positive self-talk is an opportunity to love ourselves and improve the relationship we have with ourselves.  We need to talk to ourselves in positive and encouraging ways, such as:

– I am good enough

– I can do this. All is well. Out of this, only good will come.

– I will succeed

Positive self-talk can help us change our mindset and attitude towards ourselves and our goals. It can also help us cope with stress and challenges better.

One way to practice positive self-talk is to use affirmations, which are positive statements that we repeat to ourselves regularly. For example:

– I am confident and capable

– I trust myself and my decisions

– I overcome my doubts and fears

I love writing down my affirmations. I always have an affirmation stuffed in my purse or stuck on a mirror.

You can also get affirmation accessories like I sell at my store well worded to beautify your space and empower your mind.

I love saying them out loud every morning or whenever a boost of confidence is needed. You can as well.

Conclusion

Self-doubt is a common problem that many people face in their 30s. It can hold us back from living our best lives and achieving our dreams. But it doesn’t have to be this way.

We can overcome self-doubt forever by identifying its causes, focusing on our strengths and achievements, and practicing positive self-talk. These strategies can help us cultivate self-worth, build on our strengths, and use positive self-talk.

If you want to learn more about how to overcome self-doubt and other challenges in your 30s, you can listen to the 5 Years to 40 podcast and read the blog. You will find inspiring stories, practical tips, and valuable resources that can help you navigate this exciting and transformative decade of your life.