Self-love, for good reason, is a term that has become very popular in recent years, especially on social media platforms.

It is often defined as the practice of accepting and appreciating oneself, regardless of one’s flaws, mistakes, or limitations. Self-love is seen as a positive and healthy attitude that can improve one’s well-being, happiness, and relationships.

Self-love is beautiful and necessary but it can also have some side effects that are not often talked about or acknowledged. These side effects are not necessarily negative, but they can be challenging or surprising for some people. 

Here are some of the side effects of self-love I discovered that I wished someone had warned me about. 

1. You notice shade but you do not respond to it. 

When you love yourself, you become more aware of how other people treat you and what they say about you. You can sense when someone is throwing shade at you, meaning they are subtly insulting or criticizing you in a passive-aggressive way. 

However, instead of reacting to their negativity, you choose to ignore it or let it go. 

You do not let their opinions affect your self-esteem or your mood. It’s almost like your self-love wraps you in a fun layer of idgaf-ness that is impenetrable to the BS.

Besides, self love amps up your ability to have compassion, so you know that their shade is a reflection of their own insecurities or unhappiness, and you do not need to engage with them or prove them wrong.

2. You do not dim your light for anyone. 

When you love yourself, you embrace your talents, skills, passions, and achievements. 

You are proud of who you are and what you can do. You do not hide your light or downplay your success for the sake of pleasing others or fitting in. You do not let anyone make you feel guilty or ashamed for shining bright. 

You know that your light does not take away from anyone else’s, and you encourage others to shine as well.

3. You focus on being kind, not nice. 

When you love yourself, you respect yourself and others. You are kind to yourself and to others, meaning you are compassionate, generous, helpful, and honest. 

You do not confuse kindness with niceness, which is often superficial, fake, or manipulative. 

You do not try to be nice to everyone just to avoid conflict or criticism. 

You do not say yes to everything just to please others or avoid disappointing them. You do not sacrifice your own needs or boundaries for the sake of being nice. You know that being kind is more important and authentic than being nice.

3. You stand on your story, not in it. 

Self-love helps you acknowledge your past and your present. 

You accept your story and how it has shaped you into who you are today. 

You do not let your story define you or limit you. You do not dwell on your mistakes or regrets. You do not blame yourself or others for what happened or what did not happen. You learn from your experiences and move on. You stand on your story as a source of strength and wisdom, not as a burden or a trap.

4. You care about people but you know some paths you must walk alone. 

When you love yourself, you value your relationships and connections with others. You care about people and their feelings, needs, and opinions. You support them and appreciate them for who they are. However, you also know that on some paths in life, you must walk alone. You do not depend on others for your happiness or validation. 

You do not let others dictate your choices or goals. You do not follow the crowd or conform to expectations. 

You follow your own heart and intuition, even if it means going solo.

These are some of the side effects of self-love that nobody talks about. They may sound intimidating or daunting at first, but they are actually signs of growth and empowerment. They show that you are becoming more confident, authentic, and free.

If you want to learn more about self-love and how it can transform your life, I invite you to listen to my podcast the  5 Years to 40 podcast. This is where I share my journey of self-discovery and self-love as I approach my 40th birthday. I talk about topics such as health, wellness, spirituality, relationships, career, and more. I also interview guests who inspire me with their stories and insights.

The 5 Years to 40 podcast is a great resource for anyone who wants to live a more fulfilling and meaningful life. It will motivate you to love yourself more and live your best life possible.

You can listen to the podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Thank you for reading this blog post and I hope you enjoyed it.