Conflict is inevitable in life. We all encounter situations where we disagree with someone, feel frustrated by their actions, or get hurt by their words. How we handle these situations can reveal a lot about our character and maturity.

As satisfying as being petty and retaliatory may be, as we approach the age of 40 and midlife – I believe there are some skills we have master to have a more peaceful and satisfying life. Conflict Management is one of those skills.

At this stage in our lives, we are the grown-ups, and being the “bigger person” is an expectation. It won’t always be easy to show grace, compassion, and wisdom in the face of adversity. However, our ability to respond to petty arguments, insults, and provocations is a key skill that can protect our relationships, reputation and credibility.

There will be triggers, but you don’t have to take the bait. We can learn to be the bigger person during conflicts. Here are three tips to help us grow and thrive in this area:

1. Choose to be kind over being right

 As William Arthur Ward said, “To bear defeat with dignity, to accept criticism with poise, to receive honours with humility – these are marks of maturity and graciousness.

We’ve all experienced moments when we become so focused on proving our point or defending our pride that we overlook the feelings and perspectives of others. This often happens when we believe we are right. Why can’t they see things from our viewpoint? Why can’t they approach things the way we would? Why can’t they simply follow our suggestions?

I’ve learned that it takes all kinds of people to make God’s world go around. It’s my responsibility to do my best and to help others do their best as well.

I may be right, but if winning the argument through force results in losing the respect and trust of the people I know, trust, and care about, then it’s not worth it. However, this doesn’t mean I should be so kind that I appear weak or abandon my values. Nor does it imply that I should prioritize being liked over being assertive.

Note thought that this does not mean being kind to the point of being weak or giving up on our values.  Nor does it mean choosing likability over being assertive.

 

2. Always choose to step forward into growth over stagnation. 

Throughout my life, every time I’ve faced and navigated through a significant conflict, I’ve experienced personal growth. Last year was particularly challenging; I encountered an unexpected betrayal from someone I was starting to care for, lost a lifelong friend without even realizing it until I stumbled upon photos of her baby’s christening—and to my surprise, I wasn’t invited. On top of that, I faced a setback in my career. During those tough moments, it was easy to want to assign blame: that guy was undeniably inconsiderate(read he was an a**hole), my friend seemed incredibly shady, and work felt downright unfair. However, I had to push myself to choose growth and learning over remaining stuck in those situations.

I had to take responsibility for my role in those situations. I recognized the signs of betrayal, acknowledged the distance and disconnect in my friendship, and realized that I had unrealistic expectations for improvement in my career based on the past behaviour of those in power.  

 Maya Angelou once said, “I have learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way (s)he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.

All of those situations of conflict gave me unique (read gruelling) opportunities to learn about myself and others.  I had to turn within and dig deep with self-reflection, journaling, affirmations, prayer and self-love.  I got to heal and then move forward with the lessons.

Conflict can be an opportunity to learn something new, to understand ourselves and others better, and to improve our communication skills. Instead of avoiding or denying the conflict, we can face it with curiosity and openness. 

So ask those questions, listen actively, and seek feedback. We can also admit our mistakes, apologize sincerely, and forgive generously. 

3. Being more flexible. 

Conflict often arises from rigid expectations, assumptions, and judgments. We may think that there is only one right way to do things, or that our way is better than others’. We may also jump to conclusions or stereotype people based on their appearance, behaviour, or background. 

These habits can lead to misunderstandings, resentment, and hostility. Being flexible means being open-minded, adaptable, and tolerant. It means being willing to compromise, cooperate, and appreciate diversity. As Bruce Lee said, “Notice that the stiffest tree is most easily cracked, while the bamboo or willow survives by bending with the wind.

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By following these tips, we can become more mature and poised in dealing with conflict by age 40. We can also enhance our relationships, our self-esteem, and our happiness. Being the bigger person is not easy, but it is rewarding and definitely helps you to live a more fascinating life

If you want to learn more about how to be the bigger person in conflict and other topics related to personal growth and development, check out the 5 Years to 40 podcast. 

This podcast is where you will find inspiring stories, practical tips, and valuable resources that will help you make the most of your life journey, especially as you continue on your fascinating journey to age 40.

Thank you for reading this blog post. I hope you found it helpful and interesting. Please leave a comment below and share your thoughts on how to be the bigger person in conflict by age 40.

Have a beautiful week and keep doing your most.