Communication is a top-tier skill for empowerment. On a personal level, the art of communication helps us express our thoughts and feelings effectively. It also helps us build and maintain positive and healthy relationships and resolve conflicts and problems when interacting with others.

Becoming an empowered communicator sounds like a daunting task.  But it starts with small steps.

The first thing to consider is understanding communication styles.

Research has found that people generally communicate in three styles: aggressive, passive, and assertive.

The most effective and empowering of which is assertive communication.

People who use this communication style have the ability to communicate their opinions, preferences, and boundaries in a direct, honest, and respectful way without violating the rights or feelings of others.

Here are four ways we can learn to communicate more assertively:

1. Use ‘I’ Statements

This trick is particularly useful in conflict resolution. We don’t often respond well when people blame us for something unpleasant. People may shut down entirely if they believe they are viewed negatively, moving from finding solutions to self-preservation.

This is where “I” statements come in handy instead of “you” statements. For example, instead of saying, “You are always late”, say, “I feel frustrated when you are late. This subtle tweak sounds less accusatory and can help to keep conversations solution-oriented.

2. Stick to the facts

At work and at home, facts and observations are more effective communication tools than judgments and accusations.

For instance, instead of telling your child, “You are so lazy for not doing the dishes tonight” try saying “looks like you are going to have a late night, those dishes need to be done, and they must be done tonight”

It is a fact that the dishes needed to be done, and your child was responsible for doing them. It is not a fact that they are lazy.

This is more empowering because it does not belittle anyone. It simply states the facts without incorporating unnecessary emotion or sensation. This approach also makes people less likely to feel victimised and helps maintain the integrity of communication.

3. Positive Language

Empowered people, empower people… and they use positive and constructive language instead of harmful and destructive language.

Have you ever had to interact with someone who constantly belittled and disrespected you? Reflecting back, did you feel intimidated or firmly believe that person was a bully?

Even if using harsh language may seem powerful at the moment, you will only be remembered as someone with poor emotional regulation and… well… a jerk. Jerks are not empowering.

Toastmasters International utilizes the ‘sandwich’ approach for providing feedback. With this method, we begin by offering positive feedback about a speech or project, then discuss areas for improvement, and finally, conclude with positive reinforcement.

This three-part structure ensures that members receive honest and constructive feedback to aid in their improvement while maintaining a positive and supportive atmosphere.

If you are interested in joining Toastmasters International, send me a message, and we can discuss it further.

I’m all for saying things as they are, but the next time you feel the need to insult someone you care about, supervise, or interact with, try using positive language instead.

4. Active Listening

With so many demands on our attention, it is really easy to not give our full attention to conversations.

 For example, I recently found myself eating dinner, scrolling on my phone, watching the evening news, and talking to my daughter simultaneously!  Needless to say I couldn’t remember everything she said and couldn’t really understand the news broadcast until I paused it, put down my phone, and gave my attention to her.

Empowered men and women use active listening skills to show interest and understanding.

Some easy ways to practice active listening are making eye contact, nodding, paraphrasing, and asking questions to demonstrate that you are paying attention and care.

Maya Angelou says, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, will forget what you did, but will never forget how you made them feel.”

Making others feel heard and understood is a powerful and empowered way to communicate.

That’s it when it comes to communication  being assertive minimises misunderstanding and increases trust in our careers and relationships.  when we use I statements, stick to the facts, use positive language, and practice active listening, we can communicate assertively and respectfully.

If you found this blog post helpful or interesting, please like it and share it with other growth-oriented millennials who want to learn more about employee engagement. 

Also, don’t forget to listen to the 5 Years to 40 podcasts, where you can hear inspiring stories of people who achieved their goals before turning 40. 

Thank you for reading!